Script: Buffy the Exposition Slayer

I recently attended a geek-packed, raucous sing-along screening of the famous musical Buffy episode, “Once More with Feeling”. It was preceded by “Hush”, another famous Buffisode in which no one speaks.

I’d seen both before, but not since they originally aired when I was an innocent civilian, unschooled in the ways of storytelling. So you’ll forgive me if my revelations now are, to quote a friend, “lessons from the incredibly obvious file.”

Watching them, I was struck by the fact that, not only were these wildly creative episodes, but that they dropped huge, pivotal plot bombs for their respective seasons. Geeks everywhere quivered in their seats, ready to explode themselves, and I’m secure enough to admit I was one of them.

McKee famously commands, “use exposition as ammunition.” Reveal boring information through conflict, yadda, yadda. In “Hush”, Whedon fires a real bullet, taking the mantra “show, don’t tell” completely literally. It’s amazingly powerful. The characters get away with "showing" more risqué jokes, more plot reveals, more exposition than they could ever actually say.

And of course, it’s creepy. The Gentlemen touch a primal nerve, deliciously so, and not being able to scream… well. ‘Nuff said.

The problem with dropping plot bombs is that characters must react to them, and we wordy writers often get bogged down in the resulting dialogue. In “Hush”, no one can speak, so information is delivered much more swiftly and smoothly, while still allowing reactions. The episode ends with Buffy telling Riley, “We have to talk” - cut to black.

Genius! We can imagine what the conversation would be, we know the important information that will come out; we don’t need to actually see it.

In “Once More with Feeling”, a demon forces the characters to sing about their feelings. If you think about it, a musical is really just lengthy exposition set to song – people sing things they would never, ever actually say to each other. It’s a great way to deliver what’s basically an internal monologue without your audience noticing, because, hey look, isn’t that the box-step?

So, what have we learned? One: show, don’t tell is powerful. Two: less is so much, much more. And three: any tricky exposition can be dealt with effectively, if you just know the right song and dance.

Script: Hook 'Em With a Heart of Gold

The Wedding Date is not a new story by any means. Debra Messing hires Dermot Mulroney, a male escort, to pose as her boyfriend at her sister’s wedding. Her ex-fiance is there of course, and comedy ensues as she tries to make him jealous while finding herself strangely attracted to her fake date. The Pretty Woman comparison is inevitable.

I saw Pretty Woman as a 12 year old and loved it. Seeing it again, significantly older and a little wiser, I found the portrayal of prostitution problematic – and creepy. Really creepy. But if we can get past that, the film works as a romantic comedy.

The Wedding Date knows today’s audiences are aware of the realities of prostitution, so how to deal with this, without coming across as naïve or creepy? The answer is to not deal with it at all.

The film has no first act to speak of, which seems to be a trend these days (for a more detailed and eloquent discussion of this, please see Brollywood). This frees up having to show us Dermot at work, establishing he only serves female clientele (yeah, right), or the messiness of Debra talking numbers and haggling. This may have saved some ugliness, but starting where we do, with them meeting for the first time on the airplane to the wedding, is discombobulating and it takes us a while to find out who these people are.

In fact, we never do find out. Tip-toeing around Dermot’s day, or night job, ultimately hurts this film, as they simply avoid dealing with Dermot at all – his character is woefully underdeveloped. We never get to know who he is, why he does what he does, or why he even likes Debra. I wasn’t even expecting them to wind up together, since he is really an object rather than a character, much as Veronica Lake was only ever “The Girl” in Sullivan’s Travels. We find ourselves thinking of Dermot as “The Hooker”.

This is too bad, since Mulroney gives a decent performance. We kind of believe he is falling in love with Messing (although the script gives us no reason why he would) and he has some great lines – “I hate anchovies, I have a bachelor of arts and I think I would miss you even if I never met you.” Sadly, this feels hollow, since we miss having ‘met’ either of these characters, too.

To be fair we don’t get to know Debra either. Which is too bad, because the events of the third act could have been really satisfying in a chick-flick kind of way – if we knew either of these characters, and had a first act to set up the arcs I’m guessing they both were supposed to have.

Audiences will suspend a lot of disbelief, and the hooker with a heart of gold seems to be an archetype we’re happy to embrace. In the case of The Wedding Date, embracing Mulroney’s profession a little more may have served the story better - if only so we knew who we were dealing with.

Scone: Oatmeal Molasses Cookies

A truly yummy Oatmeal Molasses Cookie recipe. These guys are all about comfort for me. The molasses and spices bring a warmth and richness to the oatmeal. They're nice and moist and contain stuff from just about every food group... so yeah, they're actually good for you... ish.

These are my dad's favorite - try 'em and I'm sure you'll understand why!

3/4 cup molasses
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup butter**
1 egg
2 cups wheat flour (sometimes I cheat and use white flour, it's all good)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cloves
2 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins

** Unless otherwise stated, I always use light butter, light cream cheese, skim cheese, half-fat graham crackers... yes, yes, it's very depressing but trust me, you won't notice the difference - I would never compromise the cookie. I have strenuously tested all these recipes, and if it really needs the full fat version, I'll tell you.

So, mix all this good stuff together in the order listed. You'll probably want to melt the butter so everything's nice and soupy before you put the dry ingredients in.

Bake at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes on a greased cookie sheet.

Good times!

Script: Did the Horror Comedy Die Laughing?

I have genre on the brain these days, and it being October, I’m thinking horror. And I wonder, is there really such a thing as a horror comedy?

I know, this seems like a silly question. The Lost Boys, you say. Shaun of the Dead, you cry. Army of Darkness, for god’s sake, you yell. But lately, I would beg to differ, and quite frankly, it’s stressing me out.

It strikes me that these films, and many others, fall into the multi-genre trap. Lost Boys for example. There are vampires. And yeah, Corey Haim in 80’s regalia is funny. But this film is not particularly horrifying. If I had to pick, I would say it erred toward coming of age comedy rather than horror. The vampires are never really as frightening as the lengths Michael is willing to go to in the name of peer pressure.

Shaun of the Dead does manage some jumps, but while taking audiences to honestly emotional moments (who could forget Shaun’s Mum?) I was never particularly scared. Shaun is, I would argue, a spoof of the zombie genre, and therefore no more a horror than Airplane! is a thriller.

Closer inspection reveals Army of Darkness to be a comedy quest, with some marching skeletons and creepy consequences for sleeping with the bad guy. The Mummy – an adventure-comedy with a baddie just a little too spooky for kids. Deep Blue Sea – a self-consciously bad horror film hiding its flaws behind funny. Ginger Snaps – funny and smart, but far smarter than funny.

Don’t get me wrong. I adore these movies, and if they really do comprise a unique genre, then this is the one for me, baby. But I’m starting to think there may be no such beast.

Lots of great horrors have funny moments. “We’re gonna need a bigger boat” – enough said. But are they comedies, or do they merely have moments of levity to drain some of that delicious, but ultimately exhausting tension?

Sure, there are rules to write this elusive animal – have one character carry the comedy, take a silly concept and make it honestly scary - but when it gets right down to it, can you really be funny and scary? Or does one ultimately have to win out?

Can you have your blood and slip in it too?

Scone: Pumpkin Bread (and Sharks)

Yay! My first official blog.

A little bit about me... I'm a screenwriter by trade. My preferred method of procrastination is cooking. Thus, this blog combines my two loves and enables all of my bad habits. I hope to post some interesting recipes (nothing I haven't forced unwilling accomplices to do extensive taste testing on first, naturally) and alternately share my humble opinion about some films.

I don't promise astounding culinary creations, just things I think are tasty food. Similarly, I warn you my palate in film isn't always super sophisticated, either - I have no shame in admitting that I totally enjoyed Deep Blue Sea. In fact, I'll watch just about anything with a killer shark in it. Just so you know the level of the room, here...

Now, I don't mean to claim by creating this blog that screenwriting is in any way like following a recipe... if it were that simple, I'd be 20 pounds lighter and have a better resume. They're just two things I like to talk about, and this gives me an excuse to learn more about both.

To get things rolling, and in deference to the season, here's a fun recipe:


Pumpkin Bread

This is my very own, original Pumpkin Bread Recipe. Well, okay, it's actually a banana bread recipe I bastardized, but the result is pretty darn good. This makes a moist bread with a cakey texture, but it's not too sweet. Goes over well at the office.

1 can (398 mL) pumpkin**
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup sugar
2 eggs, added one at a time
1 1/4 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cloves

** Do not use pumpkin pie filling - too much junk added. Just stick with plain ol' canned pumpkin, or use fresh if you're not lazy and unambitious like I am.

Mix it all up together. Grease and then lightly coat a metal loaf pan with flour.

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. This puppy is pretty moist, it's a good idea to test with a tooth pick before you take it out of the oven. You may need to pop 'er back in for a little longer, usually 7-10 minutes will do it.

Enjoy!